In La La Land

An incident I'll never forget.

Been working almost everyday. Almost felt that I have no life... tak eh :p

Been having rashes lately... It's been 2 weeks, still not cured yet. WTH :-( ...Feel like crying... But even if i were to cry, the rash would still be there...so... just have to be strong i guess.

My mum keeps pestering me almost everyday, asking when am I gonna get engaged.
The answer is never...Dughh!!! Even though I used to want to get engaged. I wasn't thinking of love at that time. I was thinking of all the money I would get every month. The best part is I'd get a diamond engagement ring. It was Just about the money... Nothing more.

She was worried that I'd end up marrying someone that treats me badly and by then it is too late cause we're married. But I don't believe getting engage will solve that issue. I believe in trust and true love. If you know the person too well. Both of you want similar things in life then I doubt that anything like she says will ever happen.

I don't care what people say. I'm not gonna spend a single penny on a stupid event.

It is my life. I'll do whatever I want. You can call me stubborn, see if I'd care.

Loving yesterday so much. I went for a karaoke session with him. Yup, just us two. For 3 hours. haha. Never will I get enough of karaoke. I love singing so much :) . I even got over my fear. Fear of singing in front of someone. I love it when he sings. He makes me smile especially with his choice of song. Sweeeet la dier. Can I rewind to this day again and again and again :p

I don't know what's gotten into HER lately.

I'm addicted to karaoke!!!

Mummy, sometimes you really annoy me. Will you stop bugging me and telling me to get a good job or a good school.I know, I want it too. I'm trying my best here without any help from you! I told you I wanted to go to Shatec. You just don't listen do you! You never did! You're not even supportive. Everything I say you just ignore. You don't take me seriously. I know I'm not smart but I know where I'm going.

I went to ssdc by myself today. "Independent" ;p . The moment I walk through the door I saw my best friend Ella ( miss her so much). Easy to spot. Her hair is striking red. LOL

Never have I took this long to think of a gift to buy for anyone before. You are just too special and therefore you deserve this 'gift'. And I won't even regret every penny, every effort I put in to buy you this gift...Knowing that you'll smile every single day is enough to make my day. Love is so strong it could make you do anything. I understand now.

Saving money is so hard right now, especially when temptations are all around you. I don't know why there's so many sales... *scratch head* And Hari Raya just couldn't come at a perfect time. So Disrupting!!!

I didn't eat at all before and during work today, felt dizzy. Haha, gotten used to it already by now. Look on the bright side, at least i'm loosing weight and saving money all at the same time. I'm so proud of myself...hahaha

Yesterday was the most perfect day I could have ever imagined...

Took my first practical lesson yesterday...The bike was so heavy. I lost balance and fell many times & got into an accident with someone...I'm fine but the helmet isn't :( ... It wasn't mine so I feel so guilty right now...Surprisingly Dear didn't get angry. Wow, he's so patient. No one has ever treated me this good before.

Bought my 2nd dream phone finally!!! Yay Me!!

Just told him the most silliest story, about myself...haha

I was reading the newspaper today at work. Read an article about H1N1. It said 5 cases was from The Butter Factory. So, thinking that it must be a donut shop. I said : " Hey... I'm not eating at The Butter Factory, they have 5 cases of H1N1. Do they just sell donuts or do they sell cakes too!"

While packing my bags for the 'vacation' ...Got a call from papa bear saying to pack faster cause he wanted to go to johor as soon as possible. I was kind of pissed cause he's not thinking about my sayang who was working. Hmm...Selfish but not so selfish because he asked if it was ok for him. The reason for the sudden rush was kind of silly but cute... He wanted to surprise my mum. Sweet.

Came home to find that it was surprisingly quiet...Weird...I felt something's amiss. Somehow my gut feeling sense that my mum, my two sisters & their boyfriends are together. I just don't know where. Hmm...

Went to Chinatown to buy TIGI Bed Hed Small Talk with him. The price was lower then the last time I bought it. It was $20 then, now it is $17.50, so cheap. Took a look around the place. Everything seems super cheap.

Felt like watching movies. Chinatown only have movies that are rated r21, which i can't watch. hmm :( too bad!! How I wish I was forever 21, it seems to be the perfect age. We went to The Cathay instead. Wanted to watch Ghosts of Girlfriends Past but the seats was bad. Wanted to watch Drag Me To Hell but the seat was bad too. So we bought tickets to Land of The Lost instead.

While waiting for the movie at 10.10p.m, we took a walk. Saw the beautiful Giraffe restaurant and bar... Wish to go there one day :p . While walking and talking we saw lights blinking, must be the new shopping centre I thought. Yup, it was. Explored the place. Impressed. Every level is unique... Should go there on the grand opening!! There was also some performance, at The Cathay, playing Samba Masala :) ...nice music i must say!!

Well i didn't expect Land of the Lost would be hilarious...Laughed throughout the movie...

What a blast for a day that wasn't even planned. Seems to me that my luck is changing. Lucky me!

It was a great day today... Went to check out some new blocks in Punggol with Petom, Dan & him... Kind of like an adventure :) ...It was in the middle of the night...I was Loving every second of it but also a bit worried coz 'he' needs to make his passport the next day.

I was a bit pissed when my mom woke me up the next morning at 9 a.m... I slept at 6 a.m, only 3 hours of sleep ( imagine that ) but it was ok coz 'he' came to my house... Seeing him makes me happy :) ...

At 12 noon my mum left the house...I must have dozed off at about 12 ++...My dad left the house at 3.30...I still can't believe I woke up and saw him lying next to me...wow, best!!! Don't get me wrong, nothing happened. My sister and her boyfriend was in the same room too :p

That night we played the computer together...side by side...Looking at Vespas ( I want one!!)
He said something about my Ex & that I'm a nice girl...I cried...Not used to it yet...I was always called a bitch or a slut by my 'ex' till I got used to it, never did he say that I was pretty or thin, instead he said that I was ugly and fat & keeps pinching my thigh and stomach (not playfully, pinch till there's blue black) ...Imagine going through that for 2 years ++ ... Never did he appreciate all the things I've done for him, never even say thank you when i gave him money. Leaving him was the greatest thing I thought i'll never be able to do.

Saw HIM cried for the first time too...I can't explain how it feels to see someone you love cry for the first time...Till this day I still can't believe my luck, meeting someone like him, who is too perfect...I must be extremely lucky!!!

The other day was amazing...Made oreo cheesecake & played games with him :) ... Didn't know simple things like this could turn out to be so fun :)

The cheesecake turned out to be a little bit soft but it tasted great :) ... Made with love :p haha

I love playing games, I can sit at home playing games the whole day & lucky for me I found a guy that is just like that too :) ...

Usually I would have to shut down the computer and entertain 'people' but with him it's different... We played games side by side... To me, it felt like the greatest moment...Really!!

When I'm with him I don't care where we are, what we do... cause no matter what, he never fails to make me the most happiest girl on Earth!!

I woke up at 8 because of my mum... Asked me to pay for hudah's passport...I wonder why she didn't tell me the day before that she wanted me to pay...could have slept longer you know... I slept at 3 a.m the night before...Hmm...so frustating, to wake up so early just to go to the bank!

After going to the bank I can forget about going back to sleep...It's game time! YAY!
Playing games makes me happy...If only I work as a 'Game Player'. Wow! I would love going to work...24 hours also can! haha

Ms. Nosey 3 came to my house at 12 noon... Talking and planning about the future & about marriage too...haha ( example: venue, ring, invitation cards, guest) * da habis berangan belom*

Work was so tiring today...I don't know why...maybe from the lack of sleep? maybe it's because of the long weekend? hmm ... kept doing the wrong thing!!! Stop it!

My grandfather is terribly ill...I'm worried about him, his sugar level is 30, when normally it should be 6 and he is very weak from vomitting too much! He has diabetes. If it stays at 30, he can get stroke sey :(
He was fine actually when my 'clever' grandmother decided not to give him his medication, saying that it makes him weak! When did she become a doctor? And she won't let anyone call the ambulance...What the hell is wrong with her!!! There's no arguing with her decision, let's just say, she's not one to joke around with, she's super bossy & she wears the pants in the relationship, so, no one can argue,or else. We can only try our best to make her change her mind. Hmm

Well I was annoyed actually when today's plans got cancelled :( ... Ended up playing the computer... From morning till night... Not that i mind actually...

I've been in a lovebug lately... Yup, Nizam & me are a couple now... Can't believe I found him...Life doesn't get any better than this...Honestly I've never felt this way before...You can see it in the pictures I take. You can see it in my smile that I've never been this happy before... Slowly the nightmares are fading... I've even thrown all memories of him away. Making space for new ones :)

I can happily sing now that my flu is gone :) ( my other hobby)

I've been feeling so hot lately, pimples are starting to come out too & I've been feeling so thirsty lately till I can't sleep properly ( kept dreaming of water)
The week that I dread most is COMING!! How I wish I was a guy.

Bad news...no bananas in sight...I almost scolded my mum...OMG!!! I know it's rude...I just can't help it. I want to control my mood swings but I really can't. I think she's upset. I can sense it. Sorry Mummy :(

Let me tell you the day's story from A to Z ok



It was 10:30 p.m ...time to go home...YAY!! Got home with my besties ( the nosy ladies ) ... Can't seem to ever stop laughing. We crack each other up...It was fun.

It was maybe around 11: 30 p.m when I reached home. Decided to switch on the computer... Missing Facebook already :p I was thinking weather to eat or not since my mum said I was FAT! Hudah & Dan was outside, don't know what the're doing... We did talk abit before I locked myself in my room with lots of food... I was eating and browsing my pictures at the same time when I heard footsteps and loud bangings at the dining room... So I thought : stupid Hudah! Always so noisey... A minute later I received a message in facebook...It was from Hudah, saying : Sarah just now Dan saw something!!!

Sarah : Huh!! Don't tell me!! I don't want to know

Hudah: Are you in your room? I suggest you go to sleep now & don't leave your room!!

Sarah: Why?

Hudah: There's something outside

Sarah: Where?

Hudah: At the living room

And at that exact moment the bangings got louder

And I panicked so I said...hudah...accompany me please

And you know what she said...she said " I'm not at home"

The rest was too embarrassing to tell :p ... can't believe I cried though

That night I didn't go home...Too scared :p... But was happy cause I got to spend time with Nizam plus I got to learn how to ride the motorcycle!!!

Shiok ar!! Turned out to be a lovely day... Now I really want a bike!!!

The next day was so tired!!! Sleepy headed Sarah went to work!!! Making hot drinks instead of cold drinks! Everything was mixed up... All i can think of was going to bed

Never want to experience this day again

Messaged Sabrina today. Invited her & her boyfriend to the reunion on 1st June.

Her boyfriend didn't want to go and won't let her go either...SELFISH!!!

She changed alot. I can't hardly recognize her anymore. She's so thin, even thinner then me which is very surprising since she was very chubby before she met her boyfriend in ITE. She used to be the carefree type, fierce, straight forward, brave, strong, hardly see her cry about guys...she was very feisty but now she's the opposite.

I really pity her...She has nothing...No money, no job, no friends...Just her boyfriend. Sad & lonely. Her boyfriend doesn't let her work, doesn't let her go out without him, doesn't let her do this, doesn't let her do that...I mean the guy is really too much of a control freak!

She kept asking me if she should leave her boyfriend & my answer is Yes...Dughh!!! but it's really up to her... I can't force her to do something she's not ready to do eventhough it's for the better... I know how she feels...She needs to be strong...I'll be there for you, just like you've been there for me when I was in the same position...Thanks for sending me home that night...You're a great friend

Wishing you all the best k :)

Went out with Fila & Tasha today. Window shopping! I love them. Eventhough the three of us have different personalities, we are super close :) . It's kind of weird. haha. When we were in secondary shcool, we weren't that close. Fila was the funny one, she and adlina was always together & never failing to crack us up, Tasha was the serious one, a bit minah also ( abit only) , she's also the sensitive one, Sabrina...hmm... I really don't know what to say about her eventhough she was my secondary school best friend...haha... I was the girl who was always in her own land/world/bubble, always not eating ( there was a time when i was anorexic ) the top student in class, always the prize winner haha...Stop Bragging la...But I was also naughty...When I was in sec 3, I went to the boys toilet to have a look around...Style sey their toilet ( i tried flushing it too ) lol & I loveED changing boyfriends too (puppy love la katekan) haha, I even got my head master worried (he even counselled me about being faithful) He should have counselled my P.E teacher instead, my P.E teacher was the one who told the class to have lots of boyfriends & girlfriends & having just one wasn't good. Must have experience then can get married. haha. Wise words. I still remembered our promise we made when we were finishing our N levels. We promised to stay in contact with each other forever, to invite everyone when one of us got married & to go to our first club when everyone turns 18 ( it didn't happen though ) We even cried...haha...wait a second, did i cry? hmm, i think i did...lol...SENSITIVE LA SARAH...haha... I really miss those times when my parents were not in Singapore ( they used to be out of singapore very often...no little brother kan dulu) & I didn't have a maid yet ( no adults = FUN) we always had fun ( pretending that we were adults & the house was ours) switch on the air-con in the entire house, open music loudly, dance half naked, play dumb childish games, cook nonsense ( but ends up being delicious somehow) & we always have sleepover parties...Living life with no worries...Just pure fun... Childish was our middle name haha

After all this years...I still can't believe how lucky I am to have met such great friends. They understand me... I understand them... Perfect friendship :p hehe

I'm currently saving money to go into Shatec...Really interested in pastry & baking...Instead of following my heart a few years ago, I went into hairstyling...Sometimes I feel like kicking myself for being so silly. Time has been wasted. I can't afford to waste any now! Hitting 20 soon. I feel so old! I aim to have a career before i hit 24. It's a must! I don't want to be old, jobless, useless, moneyless or anythingless la...haha... I want to help my future husband pay half the household bills, have my own savings & go on vacations with him , pay everything myself, don't want his money...only his love :)
Though I love money...I think it is evil. It is the root of most fights. How I wish this world was different. Where everyone smiles at each other, where there are no senior citizen working as cleaners ( i really pity them), where there is no such thing as money... I'm talking bout a stress free world here, where there is no such word as stress in the dictionary...IF ONLY
I'm actully felling very stressed out lately. Having lots of thoughts about the future. I hid it so well haha... Even my friend of 7 years can't see it...
Ouh ya... My friend is gonna get engaged soon...She's stressed out too...Mostly about money
I think my other friend is gonna get married pretty soon too...Hmm...MONEY

It's 5:30 am...My eyes hurts...Ouch! Gotta sleep now... Going out with Natasha & Fila in the afternoon :) Can't wait

It was 3.45 am, I heard sounds in the kitchen. The only people in the house who was wide awake was my sister & me...no one else. I had trouble sleeping after that. I felt that someone was watching me...Felt scared. I never felt save in my own house actually. Couldn't sleep till 5 am...
Woke up at 7 am with my heart beating so fast. I had a bad dream. It was about my ex-boyfriend. He was trying to kill me. It felt so real. How I wish I could control my dreams. I'll only dream of good things. No more nightmares. I did go back to sleep after that but woke up at 10...Felt like vomitting...Stupid stomach cramps. Always comes at a 'perfect' time. I think my period is coming, didn't note down the last time it came though :p

Surprisingly I don't feel tired or sleepy today :)

If your heart is always searching
Can you ever find a home?
I've been looking for that someone
I can't make it on my own
Dreams can't take the place of loving you
There's gotta be a million reasons why it's true

When you look me in the eyes
And tell me that you love me
Everything's all right
When you're right here by my side
When you look me in the eyes
I catch a glimpse of heaven
I find My paradise
When you look me in the eyes

How long will I be waiting?
To be with you again
Gonna tell you that I love you
In the best way that I can
I can't take a day without you here
You're the light that makes my darkness disappear

When you look me in the eyes
And tell me that you love me
Everything's all right
When you're right here by my side
When you look me in the eyes
I catch a glimpse of heaven
I find My paradise
When you look me in the eyes

Everyday, I start to realize I can reach my tomorrow
I can hold my head up high
And it's all because you're by my side

When you look me in the eyes
And tell me that you love me
Everything's all right
When you're right here by my side
When you look me in the eyes
I catch a glimpse of heaven
I find My paradise
When you look me in the eyes
And tell me that you love me
Everything's all right

When you look me in the eyes
I catch a glimpse of heaven
I find my paradise
When you look me in the eyes

I was shocked after coming home to find so many missed calls and lots of messages saying don't come home yet, your ex-boyfriend is in Sengkang ( the one that always beats me )...


I wonder what he's doing here in Sengkang when he lives in Bukit Panjang & I wonder who is that UNLUCKY girl he is holding hands with ( not that I care, just nosey )

I mean he's only back here in Singapore like a week ago... How can he find a new girl that quick right. Is that his new girlfriend? I've always suspected he was having an affair when we were together...I never got a chance to find out coz i'm not the kind of girl who likes to check my boyfriend's handphone and whereabouts...But once or twice i did got a glance at one of his messages...It was for sure from a girl, no doubt. I still don't know why I kept quiet. It hurts alot to know something like this & it took alot of strength to pretend i didn't know anything about his affair. It's not that I love him and felt afraid of loosing him, he is nothing to me..why would he be? All he ever does best was causing hurt inside out. It was fear of his blackmails, fear of his threatens that i stayed with him through all this years. Hopes were all i had...That maybe one day you'll put your anger aside, come to your senses and stop hurting me...that was all I'm asking for. My hands were always sweaty when i'm with him...It wasn't nervousness...It was pure fear...Knowing that every minute i spent with him wasn't safe...I felt scared most of the time...Any wrong move and thats it, i'm gonna end up with lots of bruises...Though I don't care & it really doesn't matter now, i still wonder if he ever loved me, even just for a moment...Still trying to forget about you...Wishing all the nightmares are gone which is always about you... You made me cry even when I'm not with you... You're like a bad dream and I'm still trying to wake up... I really hate you... But I'm glad you're finally out of my life

Never will i forget this day

It's the happiest day ever...

It's the day I went to the Singapore Flyer ( for the first time ) with him!!! We were super lucky. We got the whole cabin to ourselves & there were fireworks too at Marina Barrage, the place we had our first kiss. Everything is just falling perfectly into place & at that very moment I know that he is the one.

Today was amazing, magical & for the very first time i felt loved just being in his arms.

Things like this don't just happen, it happened for a reason.
Something is telling me that this are signs & that you are my destiny.
Time flies so fast when I'm with you & I just realized that this is a good thing cause I'll never grow tired of you, not in a million years.

Thank god that I've finally met you
You just made me the most happiest girl on earth

Sleeping late today cause a certain someone didn't let me go home early from work today ( not early, just on time actually) hmm...so sad...now i gotta play pet society till 2.30 am... i know i'm too much but i just can't help it..the game is seriously addictive...something close to The Sims

I'm wishing that money grows on trees and I can play Pet Society every day, every hour, every
minute...This is how addicted I am...At least I'm happy & loosing weight too :) hmm... thanks to the game...once i start playing, i just can't stop, not even to eat dinner but i really wish humans don't need to go the bathroom...waste time sey.

The person who made Pet Society & The Sims is super smart sey :)

Lately I've been meeting this guy, he makes me smile. I'm falling for him. I guess this is how love feels, when suddenly you see the world in a different angle, everything seems so beautiful.

We don't have to go anywhere, just being with you makes me happy, I want nothing more than your embrace. I look at you and think, i cannot live because you're the person of my dreams, you're perfect. Whenever i'm with u, i loose control :)

I'm in love...yay!

Hey Hey :) super happy...Insomnia gone...It's suppose to be good news right but I find myself falling asleep almost everywhere and that is super bad, even when i'm playing my favourite game i can fall asleep and end up loosing :( guess i have to sleep at a normal time just like everybody else then...

I guess this good and happy vibe that a certain someone had been giving has finally cured me...

Sarah is super lucky to have met someone like you!!!

I've been terribly sick actually this past 3 days...always vomitting...this only happens when i'm tired, must be from sleeping late everyday playing pets society, me and my mum have this thing in common. I refuse to see the doctor..I hate medicine :p Actually when i'm too nervous i'll vomit too, so i dun reallly like entering competitions (especially singing) so lau korang da bace blog ni...tau2 je la eh kenape, since aku slalu ckp aku takot atau segan, ade gd reason tau aku tak join anugerah atau singapore idol, nanti aku make a big show out of myself...malu la gitu...*sigh*

Most of the time i wonder how am i gonna get married, everyone will see me...ohoh...get ready the plastic bags, here i come...lol...hopefully i change in future...so i don't need to bury my face in shame later on...haha...But i still want to get married...Ready but not ready...

What a great day today was...We had our first ever reunion, but only 3 girls...lol...wished my other friends followed though...hmm...hate her boyfriend la, so controlling. Guys this days...can't live with them, can't live without them.

Yay! I got good news....I am OFFICALLY SINGLE...At Last...I'm no longer in hell...Can do whatever i want, wear whatever i want, talk to whoever i want, go wherever i want with no worries of getting scolded, no more emotional break down, no more counselling, no more crying late into the night and waking up with swollen eyes, no more bruises and heartache...Haiz...Life doesn't get any better then this...My mum though is a bit pissed that i broke up with him...But I don't care...this is my life...I decide what's best for me and what's not, she doesn't know him that well to know if he is good or bad. What I feel she'll never know, i'll never tell her...I know she won't understand, she never did.

Before I Die I Wanna:

• Officially break up with Azlan
• Buy A Volkswagon Beetle
• Open my own bussiness :p
• Travel around the globe
• Get married (with someone that makes me smile all the time)
• Buy a big house...most probably a bungalow with a private pool & a roof garden
• Learn to play the guitar
• Learn to roller blade
• Go sky diving
• Learn to skii
• Be with Nizam 4ever(oh tak eh)hehe