In La La Land

I was shocked after coming home to find so many missed calls and lots of messages saying don't come home yet, your ex-boyfriend is in Sengkang ( the one that always beats me )...


I wonder what he's doing here in Sengkang when he lives in Bukit Panjang & I wonder who is that UNLUCKY girl he is holding hands with ( not that I care, just nosey )

I mean he's only back here in Singapore like a week ago... How can he find a new girl that quick right. Is that his new girlfriend? I've always suspected he was having an affair when we were together...I never got a chance to find out coz i'm not the kind of girl who likes to check my boyfriend's handphone and whereabouts...But once or twice i did got a glance at one of his messages...It was for sure from a girl, no doubt. I still don't know why I kept quiet. It hurts alot to know something like this & it took alot of strength to pretend i didn't know anything about his affair. It's not that I love him and felt afraid of loosing him, he is nothing to me..why would he be? All he ever does best was causing hurt inside out. It was fear of his blackmails, fear of his threatens that i stayed with him through all this years. Hopes were all i had...That maybe one day you'll put your anger aside, come to your senses and stop hurting me...that was all I'm asking for. My hands were always sweaty when i'm with him...It wasn't nervousness...It was pure fear...Knowing that every minute i spent with him wasn't safe...I felt scared most of the time...Any wrong move and thats it, i'm gonna end up with lots of bruises...Though I don't care & it really doesn't matter now, i still wonder if he ever loved me, even just for a moment...Still trying to forget about you...Wishing all the nightmares are gone which is always about you... You made me cry even when I'm not with you... You're like a bad dream and I'm still trying to wake up... I really hate you... But I'm glad you're finally out of my life